If you can summon the courage to see the truth, you will know freedom.

Me talking about myself to myself.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

and so we come to it, the great battle of our age..snicker snicker

If you want to speed up your awakening try the candida cleanse and then sit with the cravings you get even when you are full of healthy anti candida food... look at where your cravings and impulses come from... it rapidly leads you into those energies which are normally suppressed by indulgences... and these indulgences are normal living for most I believe. I am having a tough time with this. It would be great to open a retreat centre where peeps can come and get good food (help make it actually) and get support and counselling mixed with healing. All sorts of modalities... oh my what a good thought... I am going to do this. And my own struggle and navigation of this will help me formulate the program...

Though it should be noted that one of my main themes right now is how ridiculous systems are... systems are limited. even yoga, for which I have the utmost respect for - all the masters throughout the ages and their contributions... But the approach that we take to systems is often run by our egos... well almost always from what I can tell. Fixation on the outcome and following the rules to get there is taking us out of the moment, out of the enjoyment of ourselves right now... which is what the system is designed to deal with... but the ego takes on these healing systems and makes a future goal of how it will be when we master this or that, then it attaches to it and works for years at it always believing the goal is close but we just need to master this technique or that pose, or still the mind... but as long as the ego is leading you along while following these systems you are never gonna get to the place you are seeking... to seek is to deny that the presence of what you are seeking is absent in your life... But all the true masters and teachers say that it is right here... right now. You dont need to meet any requirements what so ever to find it. So why are we always seeking? Why are we worried about following any systems when we are skipping over the first and most obvious thing? The process is the peace, and can be enjoyed rather than be a long term battle.

Now I must say for myself how ridiculously easy it is for my mind to take me along for a ride. This is my present normal state, with a few moments here and there of true observation and acceptance of what is. The rest is all just a story. Just ideas and goals of how to feel better or be free or that sedentary feeling that comes from a belief that I am on the right path and will get "there" eventually...
One thing I keep bumping into, when I have cultivated enough presence to see these things as they are, is a strong force that steers me away from this clarity and pulls me back into the dream state. It is accompanied by extremely unpleasant feelings which are physical, emotional and energetic. I have long since deemed these to be past trauma and closings to a world that was at those times too much to deal with. How is it for you? What is the force keeping you suppressed? How did it get there?


Most of my spiritual exploration in the past 5 years has been rhetorical since in the 5 years previous (starting 10 years ago) I had a master teacher and healer showing me all this stuff on nights where he would help me walk through that resistance and see things as the were... the information I took in was astounding. The insights into my life and being as well as anything or anyone else I focused on were very profound and while I would fade from those states of clarity and lose the connection with the wisdom I would retain information in a memory trace and would then proceed to follow the information I saw, but with my ego.. so it was never quite effective and always had me seeing everything around me as not good enough... myself and all other people, because when compared to those clear open amazing times everything else was pretty dark and ignorant... and painful.

The process of walking through the forces that kept me from opening and seeing was always very unpleasant. Picture (or feel) that you come face to face with an energy or feeling that you have been suppressing due to how nasty it feels. The common reaction I have observed is to let the unconscious defences (which are that energies own) take over and either deny (can be violent) or glaze over with distractions or actually leaving the body, claiming tiredness or feeling too sleepy is also common.
Anyways say you are pressed by a will within you to stay with it and have support or reassurance with you... At this point the energy will flare up and attack you on all your weakest points to get you to change your trajectory. With distractions of all sorts, like strong desires for food and sex, or the pain and nasty feelings become so intense that you feel complete revulsion nearly puking or passing out. Vision may go at this point and the body spasms or convulses. Then when this attack has peaked it crumbles. All the energy of it fades though this is completely different depending on what it was or who you are... For me, the main difference was whether I had confronted something specific and it was now seen and brought back into the light which then brought on openness joy and bliss, or if I just passed through what was more like just a clump of resistance in which there would be less joy and bliss but still open and more clear... this was almost always just the beginning of the process though and I would then see the most pertinent energy pattern that was in fear and then have to consciously move toward it with the new perspective and clarity I just opened to. The unpleasant feeling and that whole process of facing it may repeat or it might be less severe depending on how focused my intent was and how open I was to light and assistance... I imagine this whole process would be different for most people but I have seen and felt in friends and family over the years that it would be similar...

So I don't believe this intensity is required although it seemed to me to be the fast track in reclaiming parts of my being that are holding in darkness.

Recap with extras inserted:

Trauma or darkness within us takes on will of its own and uses the mind and the body sensations to suggest or control you into creating more darkness or at least staying ignorant of its existence.

When you move towards awareness of it and/or towards full conscious realization it will use a number of tools to keep you from really facing it. Distractions being the most powerful.

Staying with it until it cracks will bring an opening and clarity of thinking and being.

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