mmmm potato pancakes! need eggs to finish making them, head to the store and farmers market. First scarf down some crackers and bead dip. And make a big fruit smoothie while finishing the list. A pound of blueberries from the market, how healthy. Some swiss chard to chew on with the berries while driving.
Back in the kitchen, made the potato pancakes, cheat on cleanse and have some maple syrup even though they are supposed to be savory... have three pieces of toast too - tahini or butter and syrup cause the almond butter was finished off last night. I think there is an issue, I think i will allow it and go into it... do not resist do not feel guilty... so keep eating, nearly half a bag of tortilla chips and more bean dip. more crackers and tahini... have some honey too. what do i really want? cereal! but i didnt buy any! roommates cherios??? yuck.... well maybe... ok 1 bowl... 2... 3 add maple syrup to this one and the next... next one without to see the difference hmm the milk is too filling now just eat it from the box... wow i have been eating non stop for most of the day was that 5 or 6 bowls of cereal? hmmm head ache and full belly.... now to open to what i have done... the void the void the void is this what i am trying to fill up? opening to all things, the root. running towards it... which is a state of seeking and not finding... when i get closer to the truth it doesnt come from trying... it comes from being. its there. always there. happening now, just keep trying though.............................................................. feel it all there but keep seeking and distracting..... anger! i want it to come forward so it stays back... it wants to come out but it knows ive laid a trap for it..... conscious awareness! it seems it will only come forward when it knows i will fall asleep and identify with it. scary potential but i trust myself... somewhat.
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