If you can summon the courage to see the truth, you will know freedom.

Me talking about myself to myself.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

body awareness smarter than mindstuf

Regardless of where my mind goes my body is sustaining itself. It seems to be able to do this better when I am feeling good about myself, yet there is some underlying will to survive and thrive that transcends the mental stream. i.e. when I am feeling bad and have feelings of not caring about living or dying the body seems to know this is just mental streaming and will continue to support itself. I believe all suicidal thoughts stem from mental pollution. From inner unexpressed pain that is making noise and trying to be heard and seen but gets twisted by the core error in our programming that says we are not worthy. The urge for self annihilation seems to come from a desire to be free. that we are so weary of the struggle that we would give up anything to be free of it, even our own lives. But if we are ready to give up on life itself why not consider giving up on our attachment to our identity? Could this be a profound way to assist those who are in extreme suffering? I think so. Though I think it would be fair to say that many would hold on to their story and their suffering and prefer to go down with them intact rather than let go into a state prior to any story.

I speak of this drawing from my own experience of attempted suicide when I was 16 and more presently of the building up of suffering that happens within me and the direction my thoughts go. I know I want to live and to be free yet sometimes the suffering becomes so great it causes feelings of wanting to give up... these feelings of giving up feel like they could be directed towards the ego shell and the pain itself. which is where the magic might happen, and is the last thing I want to do.. turn towards the pain and see it for what it is breaking the spell.

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